Reflections from a Psychologist for everyone from People who Drink to the Sober Curious.
At the midpoint of the month of January, many people are in the midst of a Dry January, that is abstaining from alcohol for a month. If you have given up drinking this month, you can go beyond gritting your teeth or 'white knuckling' your way through January. Beyond the immediate physical benefits, this practice can be an opportunity to explore how and why alcohol plays a role in your life and to know yourself better.

Alcohol as a Coping Mechanism
For many, alcohol serves as a way to cope. Whether it’s unwinding after a stressful day, managing social anxiety, or loosening creative blocks, alcohol can feel like a reliable tool. However, relying on it can become a short cut that masks or avoids deeper needs and limits our ability to develop other ways of coping.
Stress Relief Through Connection: If alcohol is your go-to for relaxation, consider how it is that you drink. Do you drink everyday, how much, what are the contexts in which you tend to drink. Some people find solitary pursuits soothing but many find that they need to rely on human relationships as a means to manage difficult emotions and reduce stress. Talking to a trusted friend, engaging in meaningful conversations, or sharing a meal with loved ones can provide comfort and support that alcohol often imitates but cannot truly replace. Cultivating these connections can create lasting resilience against life’s challenges. If those connections do not exist to the extent that you want or need, this may both cause you overly rely on alcohol to cope.
Does Alcohol Seem More Reliable Than the People in your life? For some, alcohol might feel less scary or more reliable than relying on others. Alcohol doesn’t say no, judge, disappoint, or demand reciprocity. But this perceived reliability comes at the cost of deeper emotional connection. Reflect on whether turning to alcohol is a way of maintaining self-reliance rather than expressing your suffering to a friend or loved one. Do you have close relationships that feel safe enough to share your struggles? If not, exploring this in therapy can be a meaningful first step.
Social Confidence: For those with social anxiety, alcohol might feel like a shortcut to ease interactions. Exploring gradual exposure to social settings without alcohol can be challenging but transformative. Building genuine connections with others—even if it feels uncomfortable at first—can ultimately provide the sense of belonging that drinking might temporarily mimic.
Creativity Boosts: Alcohol might free inhibitions, but creativity can also thrive in collaborative environments. Sharing ideas with friends or engaging in creative projects as part of a group can unlock new possibilities, while fostering relationships and mutual support.
The Trap of All-or-Nothing Thinking
Many people attempting to moderate their drinking struggle with an all-or-nothing mindset. “If I can’t have just one drink, I might as well not bother at all.” This kind of thinking can lead to cycles of guilt and frustration. Dry January offers an alternative approach: rather than focusing on perfection, focus on curiosity. What do you notice about yourself without alcohol? What challenges arise, and what do they reveal about your needs or emotions? Do you struggle to drink in moderation and feel that when you start drinking it is hard for you to stop? Having a difficult time regulating your alcohol intake, binge drinking, having a hard time cutting back and other difficulties can be a concern and worth looking into more and discussing with your physician and a psychologist.
Here is a helpful link to help you assess if your relationship with alcohol may be problematic
Exploring the "Why" Behind Drinking
Using alcohol to reach specific self-states—relaxation, creativity, or self-acceptance—is a common for many people. By reflecting on the underlying reasons for drinking, you can uncover insights about your emotional world and have better access to those desired states with or without alcohol.
You may want to ask yourself:
What does alcohol help me access or avoid?
How can I explore these self-states without it?
What might this tell me about what I need in my life?
For example, if you feel you can only relax with a drink, it might highlight a need for better ways to connect with others or to seek out environments where you feel safe and supported. If alcohol makes you feel more sociable, it might point to an area of personal growth in self-esteem or social skills.
Motivation and Self-Compassion
Dry January can be a time to consider your own values and goals. How does drinking (or not drinking) align with the person you want to be?
Reflect on:
What role do I want alcohol to play in my life moving forward?
What small, manageable changes can I make to explore this?
How can I celebrate progress, even when it feels imperfect?
If you want, Dry January can be about more than just is avoiding alcohol; it can be about discovering who you are without it. As you explore new ways to meet your needs and access different parts of yourself, you might find that the benefits extend beyond the month of January. This process can help you grow into a fuller, more integrated version of yourself—one that doesn't need alcohol to feel whole.
If you or your loved one is struggling to manage your use of substances you may find helpful resources here through the government of Canada:
If you reside in The Greater Toronto Area and would like help assessing your substance use and finding recovery resources you can check out resources through camh:
If you are in the United States, the following link can help:
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