How Relationships Shape Our Emotions: Bion’s Theory of Containment

Containment: The Foundation of Managing Emotions and Building Resilience

Why are some people able to stay calm under stress, while others feel swept away by overwhelming feelings? Why can some of us soothe ourselves when upset, while others feel lost without someone else’s support?

Psychoanalysis offers one answer: our earliest relationships set the stage for how we manage emotions throughout life. Wilfred Bion, a British psychoanalyst, developed the idea of container and contained to explain how this works.

A parent holds a child not only with their arms but with their mind.

The Caregiver as Container

When we are infants, we are flooded with raw emotions—hunger, fear, rage, longing—that we cannot yet begin to understand or regulate. At these moments, we rely completely on a caregiver, usually a parent, to “contain” our distress.

Containment means more than just soothing. It involves the caregiver using their mind to receive, think about, and respond to the infant’s overwhelming feelings. For example, a crying baby doesn’t know it is tired or hungry. The parent interprets the distress, holds it, and responds—feeding, rocking, or simply acknowledging the baby’s need.

In this way, the parent takes in the baby’s unmanageable feelings (the contained), processes them, and returns them in a form the baby can bear. Over time, the child begins to internalize this process: “When I am upset, I can be understood and calmed. I will be responded to. My feelings can be thought about.”

Internalized Relationships

Even as adults, we don’t always manage our emotions alone. Sometimes another person provides containment: a partner, a friend, or a therapist. But often, we rely on what psychoanalytic psychologists call internalized relationships.

An internalized other is the mental presence of someone who once cared for us in moments of need. It might be the memory of how a parent used to soothe us, or the felt sense of someone who could hold our feelings without judgment. These internal figures become part of our inner world, shaping how we think about ourselves and manage emotions long after childhood.

When containment was offered consistently, we carry within us a sturdy inner voice: I can handle this. My feelings won’t destroy me. Someone can understand. When containment was absent or inconsistent, emotional life may feel harder to navigate—we might collapse into helplessness or seek external reassurance over and over.

Mentalization: Thinking About Minds

Bion’s theory connects closely with what we now call mentalization: the ability to imagine what another person might be feeling or needing, even when they can’t put it into words. Mentalization is how a parent guesses: “Maybe you’re crying because you’re hungry,” or later, “You seem upset after school—did something happen with your friend?”

This capacity doesn’t just appear—it grows from being on the receiving end of a caregiver’s imaginative, thoughtful responses. And it continues to develop in relationships across life, including in therapy.

Emotional Regulation and Resilience

Understanding the concept of containment is crucial for emotional regulation. It helps us recognize that our feelings are valid and manageable. When we learn to contain our emotions, we build resilience. This resilience allows us to face challenges without feeling overwhelmed.

Resilience is not just about bouncing back from adversity. It involves adapting to stressors and learning from experiences. By internalizing the lessons of containment, we develop a stronger sense of self. We become more capable of navigating life's ups and downs.

The Role of Therapy in Containment

Therapy plays a significant role in reinforcing the principles of containment. A therapist provides a safe space for individuals to explore their emotions. This process mirrors the early experiences of containment provided by caregivers. In therapy, clients can express their feelings without fear of judgment.

Through this therapeutic relationship, clients learn to process their emotions. They gain insights into their internalized relationships and how these affect their current emotional state. Therapy fosters mentalization, helping individuals understand their feelings and the feelings of others.

Why This Matters

Emotions are never managed in isolation. From infancy onward, our ability to regulate feelings, recover from stress, and build resilience depends on human relationships—first with caregivers, later with others, and eventually with the internalized voices of those who once contained us.

Psychoanalytic psychotherapy builds on this truth. By offering a new kind of containment and fostering mentalization, therapy helps people strengthen their capacity to face intense emotions, to understand themselves more deeply, and to navigate relationships with greater freedom.

Closing Thought

Containment is not about suppressing feelings, but about making them thinkable and survivable. It begins with parents and caregivers, becomes part of who we are inside, and can be renewed in the therapeutic relationship.

The Journey of Emotional Growth

Emotional growth is a lifelong journey. As we navigate through life, we encounter various experiences that shape our emotional landscape. Each relationship, whether with family, friends, or partners, contributes to our understanding of containment.

Recognizing the importance of these relationships can empower us. We can learn to seek out supportive connections that foster our emotional well-being. By doing so, we create an environment where we can thrive emotionally.

Conclusion

In conclusion, understanding containment and its role in emotional regulation is vital. It helps us build resilience and navigate our emotional lives more effectively. By embracing the lessons of our early relationships, we can foster a healthier emotional landscape for ourselves and those around us.