Why You Can’t “Just Let It Go”: How Mental Health Symptoms Protect Us from What Hurts Most

You’ve probably heard it—or said it to yourself: “Just let it go.”Let go of the grudge. Let go of the fear. Let go of the pattern that keeps repeating.

But what if you can’t? And what if that isn’t a failure, but a signal?

Whether they’re anxious thoughts, rigid routines, low mood, or self-defeating behaviours, they aren’t random. They’re not irrational noise. They’re meaningful signals, often standing in for something unspoken or unbearable. They are solutions—though costly ones—to conflicts or losses that couldn’t be acknowledged directly.

Symptoms as Protectors, Not Problems

We tend to view symptoms as enemies. Something to conquer, eliminate, or move on from. But in therapy, we often find that symptoms carry logic—just not always a conscious one.

A person who avoids closeness in relationships might not simply have “intimacy issues.” They might have learned early that vulnerability led to disappointment, confusion, or intrusion. The avoidance isn't a flaw—it’s a form of emotional intelligence shaped by past experience. It protected them then. And it persists now because part of them still feels at risk.

What looks like procrastination might actually be an unconscious refusal to submit to criticism.What looks like perfectionism might be a survival strategy to manage shame.What looks like disconnection might be the residue of early emotional neglect.

Letting Go Requires Making Contact First

Before we can let something go, we often need to understand what we’re holding onto—and why. Sometimes what we’re holding isn’t just a habit or behaviour. It’s an identity. A belief. A wound. A defense. A memory that never became fully conscious.

Therapy helps people trace the roots of these patterns with curiosity rather than judgment. Not to blame the past, but to make room for the present to be experienced differently.

In depth-oriented therapy, we ask:

• What purpose is this symptom serving?

• What feeling or fear might it be shielding you from?

• When did this first make sense, and why is it still in place?

  
  

As understanding deepens, defences soften. Symptoms often recede not because they were pushed away, but because they are no longer needed.

Change That Doesn’t Abandon the Self

Letting go isn’t about bypassing pain or forcing change. It’s about making space for the parts of you that had reasons for holding on. When those parts are seen and understood, they often become more flexible presenting us with more options that we could previously consider or access.

This is the paradox of depth therapy: change happens not by insisting on it, but by making contact with what has felt unworkable, painful, or hidden.

Curious About What Your Symptoms Might Be Protecting?

We offer depth psychotherapy for individuals and couples looking to explore patterns that have been hard to shift. If you’re tired of telling yourself to “just move on” and are ready to understand instead of override, we’re here to help.